she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
