This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
