I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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