3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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