I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
