if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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