i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He better not be in your backpack
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
