dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
