If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
