I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
