I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
