Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
