we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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