I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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