Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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