i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
