Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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