guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I could fuck to npr.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
