I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
