feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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