I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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