I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
