i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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