You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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