there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
