my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
