do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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