Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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