marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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