I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
