Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
