I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
