Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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