first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
