you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
