my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
