Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we're making bets on your personal life
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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