it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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