i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
