just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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