I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
