How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
