I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
