I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
