There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
