Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
