dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
