i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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