my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
