Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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