thus making me awesome and them whores
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
