me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
