Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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