Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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