No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
