Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
