I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
