when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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