Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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