someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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