I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
