I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
