I hate your face
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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