i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
