he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
