We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
