I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
