dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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