so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am midnight drunk by noon
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
