"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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