so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
