I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
