Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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