Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
