I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
