I haven't been this sober since birth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
