pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
