yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
