Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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