How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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