New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
